A Sister to Love

Somedays I wish I had a tape recorder (do they still make those??) in my car with me....I have found that some of the most interesting and funny conversations with my children happen when I am driving in my car. There are somedays when it is the most peaceful time of day for me, everyone is strapped in to their seats, no one is touching or poking (for the most part) and if I turn up the radio I can have somewhat of a quiet experience...but there are those days when it is really interesting to turn the music off and just listen to what happens.

Yesterday my son was eating his snack in the car, and what started as a very innocent comment made me think of how much my children have grown from this experience of adoption. Owen was stating how much he loved honey mustard and onion pretzels, not by choice the rest of us were obligated to enjoy his experience by the sound of him chewing and the smell of "seasoned" pretzels permeating the car..."Those pretzels are gross..." "That's not nice to say, it's being prejudice against pretzels..." "You can't be prejudice against a pretzel, it's food, you are prejudice against people, pretzels don't have feelings..." "well, still it's not nice." So this was my mini van tutorial yesterday, and it made me think of how becoming multi racial family has been such a growing experience for all of us. My older children ( I get tired of saying bio children because they are all my own...) have showed me time and time again how amazing the human spirit is and the how we have the capacity to love and accept if we open our hearts to it. On my tougher days I actually look to them for reassurance that all is okay in life, that Nora is exactly where she is meant to be. With us. With our family. There are days when the reality of adoption hits hard and I am apprehensive, nervous, and just plain unsure about what lies ahead for us and for Nora...there will be issues that I will not understand, issues that I have never had to deal with in my life...race and identity, adoption, loss of her birth family...this is difficult stuff but I know that Nora will have the support that she will need not only from her parents but most importantly from her siblings. They will be the ones to tell Nora her own story when is feeling lost, they will be her frame of reference to her childhood, no one else shares the same experience but siblings have a special perspective , there is no other relationship that compares.

I love witnessing the innocent, spontaneous interactions between my children, when one will pick Nora up and say, "I just love you, and I will forever and ever..." and then quickly moves on to the next thing....it is a gesture so sincere and heartfelt and I know Nora feels it. I have no doubt that her sister and brothers will be the ones to catch her when she falls, in every way...they will do their best to soothe the bumps in the road...there are times in life when only a brother or sister can understand the hurt.
If I had one hope throughout this entire journey, and I had many but my biggest hope was that my children would learn empathy for others, that this world is bigger than our community if we choose to open our eyes to it, to see the differences that exist and appreciate that we all have a purpose...some of us prefer honey mustard pretzels and that's okay.

Nora has taught us so much already, my children continue to teach me every day what it means to live.

K